Living with Bulimia Nervosa

Hi, I work as a Nanny for a 44 yr old woman who has been bulimic since her teens. She says she has a model figure and has just had her breast implants replaced. She looks like someone who is terminally ill…very, thin and fragile looking. Her arms are just bones and veins. Her husband has been unfaithful and she says now that she can’t do anything about her illness until she can trust her husband again. It seems to me that she can’t let go of this disorder. Why does her husband not insist…he tells me that they are in a physical relationship once again. Why does he not say, get help or there is no relationship. Thanks.

Hi, Paris. There are many, many possibilities that can be behind these behaviors. It sounds as though their relationship problems exist apart from the woman’s eating disorder. Sometimes people hang on to behaviors to avoid dealing with problems that are harder–like marital problems. I’m sure the situation for this couple is unique, and it’s a good bet that they would benefit from marital therapy in addition to the wife working on the eating disorder.

Bulimia is almost impossible to treat. My wife was also bulimic since her teens. Her grandmother told me then, but I was too young to understand. When our second child was about seven, I took my wife to our GP, because she wasn’t able to cope. Since then it’s been counselling, Prozac and a loveless marriage. My GP said the condition was very difficult to treat and that eventually my wife would turn against everybody including myself. We are now at that stage. Friends don’t understand how I continue to live with her, but for better for worse. It is a terrible illness, and whilst my wife thinks she is fine and well, I’m in dispair.

Richard

The good news, Richardo, is that bulimia is somewhat easier to treat than anorexia. Your GP is a bit pessimistic, in my opinion. But it isn’t easy. Some resources for you: Being a caregiver, eating disorder treatment, (lots of)general info on bulimia. One option I’d consider pursuing is dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT. It shows promise with bulimia. Also, if you aren’t already, I’d recommend getting your own help for coping, whether it’s a support group or a therapist.

I’m sorry to argue but I really disagree that bulimia is easier to treat than anorexia. It’s certainly easier to hide and for this reason I think it’s harder to treat because people can pretend they are over it.. Yes, for me bulimia is harder than anorexia. I have had both..

Yes, bulimia is definitely easier to hide: A very small percentage of those with bulimia receive treatment. But once it’s in the open, a person who is struggling with bulimia is usually much more responsive to treatment. It’s not easy, by any means. But it’s certainly hopeful.

I AM BULIMIC SINCE FOREVER. I TOLD MY HUSBAND AS WE WERE DATING OVER EIGHT YEARS AGO. NOW WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED BOTH OF US FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR FIVE YEARS AND WE HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE. MY HUSBAND IS A GREAT MAN AND WORKS VERY HARD. WE DON’T HAVE KIDS (OUTSIDE OR INSIDE THE MARRIAGE,) BUT WE’LL LIKE TO HAVE JUST ONE IN THE FUTURE.

THE OTHER NIGHT I HAD A HUGE URGE TO VOMIT AFTER DINNER, HE REALIZED AND STOOD BY THE BATHROOM DOOR PREVENTING ME FROM VOMITING. HE BEGUN TO TRANQUILIZE ME BY HOLDING ME AND TALKED TO ME OUT OF NOT GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND VOMIT WHAT WE JUST HAD FOR DINNER. MY HUSBAND IS A COP, HE IS GOOD AT TALKING PEOPLE OUT OF BAD SITUATIONS. MY HUSBAND GOT ME INTO BED AND CALM ME DOWN AS I CRIED AND CRIED. I TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS BOTHERING ME INSIDE AND IT WAS HURTING ME; AND HE IN A CALM TONE OF VOICE SAID TO ME: IT HURTS BECAUSE IT NEED TO BE EXPRESSED OUT AND MAYBE WITH A HELP OF A THERAPIST IT CAN HELP YOU OR HELP ME TO HELP YOU TO VOMIT IT, BUT IN WORDS INSTEAD, AND ADDED: SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU INSIDE AND WE NEED TO DEAL WITH IT. THAT NIGHT, HE CONTINUE TOUCHING MY HAIR SOFTLY UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP. IN THE MORNING, AS WE WERE HAVING BREAKFAST HE ASKED ME HOW I WAS FEELING AND STATED THAT IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO START THERAPY, I ASK HIM IF I AGREE TO HELP, IF HE COULD COME WITH ME AND HE SAID: “OF COURSE I’LL BE THERE BY YOUR SIDE ALL THE STEP OF THE WAY.” HE ALSO ASSURED ME THAT HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO AGREE IN EVERYTHING I WANTED, IMPLYING, THROWING UP, BUT HE WILL GIVE ME TOUGH LOVE IF THAT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO OVERCOME MY EATING DISORDER.
I THINK THAT HE HAS DONE THAT YESTERDAY BY NOT LETTING ME THROW UP. I FEEL THAT MY HUSBAND GETS TOUGH WITH ME WHEN I WANT TO VOMIT OR DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE BULIMIA ORDEAL. HE BEGINS BY ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE: WHAT IS BOTHERING RIGHT NOW? WHY ARE YOU WANTING TO THROW UP? HE ASSURES HIMSELF THAT IT’S LEARN BEHAVIOR THAT CAN BE UNLEARNED WITH THERAPY OF COURSE.

I LIKE TO HAVE MY HUSBAND AWARE THAT I SUFFER FROM BULIMIA, BECAUSE HE IS A GREAT DEAL OF HELP AS IS.
I WILL BE MAD AT MY HUSBAND IF IT COMES TO SOMEDAY MAKE THE DECISION TO HAVE ME HOOK UP TO AN IV AND HE SAYS YES TO THE DOCTOR, MEANING TO APPROVE FOR THE DOCTOR TO INJECT ME A IV, WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?!

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME EXPRESS MY THROUGHTS.

Hi. My apologies for not responding sooner to your comment. There is one good way to avoid dealing with your husband’s potential “yes” about hooking you up to an IV: Learn to eat normally so that you don’t need it. That’s the best gift you can give to yourself and to him. His advice is good. Start with a therapist and follow the treatment road where it leads.

Matt