For the person with anorexia, control is a powerful influence on day-to-day life. The need for control manifests in the person's life in many ways, some of which are more damaging than others.
How Anorexia Gives a Sense of Control
The most obvious sense of control comes directly from restricting food intake, something that very few people in our culture can do. This gives the person with anorexia a huge sense of superiority and power, which makes all the restricting seem worthwhile.
Second, controlling food intake helps the person control other people. Consider the 15-year-old with a very strict father. As he disciplines his daughter, he is exercising control over her. But anorexia provides a kind of control that a parent cannot touch. Parents cannot make their children eat over time, and children know it. When the father becomes frustrated with the eating disorder, the daughter has reached her goal: She has controlled the parent's emotions, turning the tables on him. Given that it is hard for most parents to understand how an eating disorder comes about, the parent will feel especially helpless--just as the daughter has felt under her dad's discipline.
Third, anorexia provides a sense of control over the events of each day. When a person is constantly looking for ways to avoid food intake, the day can become very predictable. Each meal is often the same, day after day, sometimes even down to the number of bites per meal (a possible indication of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or OCD). Exercise can fit into the same level of routine. In many cases, there are no decisions about whether to go out with friends or not: The answer is always no, because eating with others is too dangerous.
Fourth, restricting calories at adolescence can delay the beginning of puberty and all the physical and emotional changes that come with it. For women, this means avoiding sexual development and the burden of dealing with relationships with men.
Finally, those with anorexia control their emotions extremely well. It is rare to see someone with anorexia be emotionally vulnerable, or openly angry--unless, of course, she is challenged on her low food intake or her high level of exercise. Anorexia can make a person feel very good about herself, because she has learned to control many parts of her world. She is rarely in a position to feel negative emotions.
The Reality: Anorexia is in Control
One of the reasons that anger can surface when a person is confronted with her disordered eating is that it reminds her that she is not really in control. If she did not have anorexia, she believes, her life could easily fall apart.
When we are wrapped up in food or anything else so much that our entire lives depend on it, we have lost control. Those with anorexia have given control to their eating disorder, perhaps believing that they are not strong enough to order their lives without it.
Freedom Leads to Hope
Fortunately, the spiral of control does not have to have a morbid end. When those with anorexia begin to make choices on their own, without listening to the voice of the eating disorder, they begin to find that there is more to life than they have experienced. Over time, real life looks more attractive than the eating disorder.
This happens when a person genuinely wants to see a change and when there is qualified help available. Consider seeking treatment for yourself or a loved one struggling with anorexia. It is a great first step in taking control of your life by giving control away.
