Loving Your Body Is More Than a Full-Time Job
Of course, parenting never stops, and it's a high-effort job. But some suggestions in the book may seem over-the-top in their optimism.
Ever think that you get health information from too many sources? No problem! "That's why it's important to put up a cork bulletin board solely for health articles and tips." The authors suggest that your daughter will soon follow your example and "(scan) the news pages for articles to pin up herself." For perfectionistic or high-anxiety girls, this sounds like a recipe for feeding an eating disorder: These articles tell us how to do it "right," which means there are several zillion ways to do it wrong.
What happens when you disagree with your daughter about appropriate clothing? Well, if she wears things that you believe are too revealing, just "get involved with the parents' board at your school and work at initiating or enforcing a school dress code." I would guess that most readers find this suggestion overwhelming rather than empowering. Changing a dress code is a huge and highly political task, and there are other ways to let your daughter know why you disagree with her (and why your opinion will stand).
"Overwhelming" also describes the number of recommendations made to books, videos, and other tools. Were you to run down even a tenth of the resources given, you'd spend more time figuring out what to do with them than spending time with your daughter. Of course, if you change your school's dress code to settle a dispute with your daughter, she might not spend much time with you anyway.
A Book to Avoid for Those With Eating Disorders?
From an eating disorders perspective, the book fails in a number of areas. The authors suggest that being overweight after puberty signals emotional eating (rather than considering genetics, the daughter's set point, or other factors). We're told to clear our shelves of junk foods, because "no one is being deprived by not having them." Maybe, but if your daughter feels deprived, it's going to impact her. She needs to learn to listen to her body to know when to stop eating (and whether she even really wants these foods).
The book also calls for parents to support kids who choose to become vegetarians. A vegetarian diet can provide proper nutrition. But vegetarians are more likely than others to have eating disorders. In one study of vegetarians, a third were found to be at risk for disordered eating. 101 Ways does not mention this connection. At the very least, I encourage you to ask your newly vegetarian daughter why she's chosen this path. If she has ethical reasons regarding treatment of animals, give her the benefit of the doubt and monitor from a distance. If she just wants to be "more healthy," ask some gentle questions. Any kind of food restriction is a potential trigger for an eating disorder.
These suggestions are more likely to encourage an eating disorder than to help avoid one. It will look like self-care: She will know more about nutrition than you do, because she doesn't want to be caught by your watchful eye. But she might use that knowledge to lose dramatic amounts of weight or to eat "bad" foods only when you can't watch her.
One Last Trap for Parents of Those With Eating Disorders
Finally, the book makes a fantastic suggestion for girls who are not at risk for disordered eating: Buy your daughter a full-length mirror and set it up in a very private place with attractive lighting. This is wonderful for giving a daughter "permission" to examine herself in safety. In the right context, she can learn to love her body more and come to terms with changes to her body as it develops more easily. But for a young woman who is mired in a disordered eating pattern, self-examination is an exercise in self-loathing. It encourages isolation and an obsessive search for ways to "improve" the body.
A Book I Wish I Could Recommend
The authors' tenacity for the health and self-image of young women is commendable. More women (and men) should be intentional about protecting and promoting their daughters' body image. Yet I fear that strong adherence to the directives of 101 Ways will create a confusing picture. Some tips are fabulous. Some might directly encourage an eating disorder. And others will encourage eating problems indirectly: Girls who feel like projects to be mastered are creative in telling their parents that they don't like it.
Sources:
Richardson, Brenda Lane and Elane Rehr. 101 Ways to Help Your Daughter Love Her Body. New York: Harper Collins; 2001.
Some vegetarians may be at risk of eating disorders. Eating Disorders Review 14 (2003): 7.
