It's never easy to learn that a friend or loved one has developed an eating disorder. For a person close enough to be in the position of caregiver, it's life-changing.
Care Starts With Suspicion of an Eating Disorder
Eating disorders require secrets. Those with eating disorders hide their symptoms while they can. That means that there is a time in which loved ones don't know about the disorder.
But the hints may begin to mount--less eating at meals, more skipped meals, traces of vomit on the toilet. Clothes may begin to look more baggy. One may get nervous when a bathroom isn't available right after a meal. Eventually, it will be impossible for you to overlook.
The Caregiver's Dilemma: How to Confront the Problem
What to do? Often there is a desire to confirm whether an eating disorder is present or not. Some will ask directly. Some will fear confrontation and attempt to find out on their own--monitoring food portions, checking for stashes of food for binges, even eavesdropping at the bathroom door after meals to see whether a child is purging.
A person who has developed an eating disorder often has a powerful will. Add in an age difference (for example, between mother and daughter), and good communication on a very emotional issue becomes hard to imagine. Sneaking around looking for evidence only quickens the erosion of trust.
The Caregiver's Reaction to an Eating Disorder
When it becomes clear that there is an eating disorder present, the reaction may vary. It may bring a sense of relief if the loved one's behavior has been puzzling and disturbing, finally providing an answer to a long-standing question. We want to be able to understand, and understanding often lowers anxiety.
Shock is another possibility. An eating disorder can be a serious blow to a family--especially when the family seems to have everything together in other ways.
The Desire to Take Action
An eating disorder can seem simple to address since it shows up in a person's eating behaviors. It may be tempting to try to make a plan to "fix" the problem: "If we can just get her to eat," "If we can just make sure that she doesn't binge," etc. Unfortunately, eating disorders are far more complex than this. There are significant psychological issues that go along with disordered eating.
You should take action that has a good chance of making a difference. Trying to change a person's eating habits is a losing battle. But you can express your concerns in a way that can influence your loved one toward getting the help that he or she needs.
More Resources for Eating Disorder Caregivers:
How eating disorders affect mealtimeWhen the eating problem plays out in the family
The strain on caregivers' relationships
Source:
Highet, Nicole, Thompson, Marie, and Ross M. King. "The experience of living with a person with an eating disorder: The impact on the carers." Eating Disorders 13 (2005): 327-344.
