Does caring for your children include eating disorder prevention? You want the best for your kids -- especially for their health. So you want what they eat to provide good nutrition and give them the best chance for success. Yet parenting in the area of food intake can be very difficult when your son or daughter has an eating disorder.
Parental "Control" and Eating Disorder Prevention
It's a dilemma. If you stand back and let your kids eat whatever they want, their choices likely won't be entirely healthy. On the other hand, restricting access to certain foods in a militant way, or forcing food on your kids, can create a sense of shame and guilt. These emotions do not prevent eating disorders: They tend to add fuel to the fire. So "controlling" your kids will probably make you feel more out of control.
Of course, there are times when parents have to step in and be active in eating disorder prevention. Research indicates that what you say to your kids has a powerful effect on their perspectives on food. However, kids' attitudes are also shaped by what their parents do with food. Leading by example won't let you avoid parenting your kids more directly, but it does provide an alternative form of information that is easier for them to handle.
So how does a parent lead by example? For that matter, how do you know whether you've been doing a good job already? Here are some ways to take action in eating disorder prevention.
Have Your Eating Patterns Checked Out
If you want to be sure that your eating patterns are healthy, keep a running food log for a week. Write down when and what you eat, and how much. Then take the information to a dietitian and get some honest feedback. The messages your eating patterns send may surprise you.
If You Diet to Lose Weight, Stop
While you're at the dietitian's office, ask about how to stop dieting and simply eat better. Ninety-five percent of those who diet gain the weight back. And since dieting is a precursor to eating disorders in many cases, encouraging your kids to diet through your own choices can send them in directions you don't want.
Know Your Own Relationship With Food
Do you dread dinner? Do you look forward to dinner, but scold yourself for enjoying it so much? Do your words about nutrition match your actions?
The amazing intuition kids have doesn't stop at the kitchen door. Parents' attitudes toward food can determine the perspective kids have. Maybe you eat for comfort when stress rises. Or maybe you only reward yourself with something you like on special occasions -- occasions that never seem to arrive. Parents can send messages that are not intentional. What message do you want to send? Examining the reasons why and when you eat what you do can help you know what messages your kids are getting.
Recognize How Your Child's Behavior Affects You
This is a tough one to admit. Though we love our children, it is easy to fall into the trap of "wanting the best for them" as a way to make us feel adequate as parents. If others see a son or daughter as unhealthy, we can take it personally. And when we feel shame or guilt, it becomes easy for our kids to feel it as well.
Work on Your Attitudes Toward Food
Changing your perspective may require seeing a trained therapist, although support groups and others can help. Objective input can help us understand why we behave as we do and why we hold certain beliefs. Identifying these issues in your life can give you a foundation for changing your thoughts and your behaviors around your children.
Setting an Example
You may be thinking, "But these are the things I want my daughter to do. Why should I be doing them?" The good news is that even in their teen years and beyond, your kids can learn. You're modeling the kind of openness to change that you want to see in them. Plus, you're showing a willingness to learn things about yourself that you may not like. That's the kind of courage a person with an eating disorder needs to make changes.
Sources:
Covey A. "Diet is out." Center for Change. Accessed 6 October 2006.
Fisher JO and Birch LL. Parents' restrictive feeding practices are associated with young girls' negative self-evaluation about eating. Journal of the American Dietetic Association 100 (2000): 1341-1346.
Francis LA and Birch LL. Maternal influences on daughters' restrained eating behavior. Health Psychology 24 (2005): 548-554.
