More and more I hear adults who have trouble with binge eating tell stories of their parents hiding food from them when they were kids. It seems to be a common belief that hiding food (or at least certain kinds of food) from kids is a good parenting tool to help them eat in healthier ways. But this practice is bound to backfire and produce exactly the opposite results.
How Hiding Food Leads Toward Eating Disorders
Hiding food raises the desire for the food, at least in part by making it seem as though that food will not be available again (or at least for a long time). The internal thinking in a child can go something like this:
- "Mom hid the Twinkies."
- "Mom must like them a lot to hide them."
- "Mom must think that liking them is bad, but that it's still worth eating them."
- "If I have one out of the box, I can't let her know I did it."
- "She may hide them somewhere else next time. I need to get as many of these as I can, because I may not see them again here at home."
- "If I ever buy Twinkies for me, I won't tell her I got them. In fact, I won't tell anyone."
Later on, when Mom makes or buys a special treat that she does share with everyone, the tendency to want to get as much as possible can carry over. The son or daughter may then think, "She gave us some this time, but she doesn't always do that. I'm stocking up in case I don't see anything this good for a month."
Hiding food thus encourages eating a lot. It also encourages eating in secret, which reinforces the idea that eating certain foods is taboo. Eating disorders thrive on secrets. Secrets feed shame, which is a prominent feature of almost all eating disorders. What's more, hiding food teaches "skills" that kids will use later when they want to hide food from parents effectively -- for example, when they plan to engage in binge eating or when they develop symptoms of bulimia and need extra food for binging and purging.
What to Do Instead of Hiding Food
It doesn't work in the long run to run your kitchen with an iron fist, but the opposite -- letting kids have whatever they want whenever they want it -- is just as harmful. It's much better to say no to kids than to hide food from them.
When you decide that it's OK to eat something special, show them how to eat in moderation, not eating so much that it loses its taste (compare your 20th bite of any food to the first to understand this better). Learn to savor. If anything, enhancing the enjoyment of food will be more healthy for kids than trying to tell them that they shouldn't eat something because it's bad for them.
Here are some rules of thumb:
- If food is in the house, let it be visible, whether it's on the counter, in the fridge, or in a cupboard or pantry.
- Tell the kids when you're going to have it as a family and when it's OK to have some on their own.
- When you gather to eat as a family, sit down together.
- Use dishes (and silverware, where appropriate). Build a culture of using dishes at all times, so that your kids automatically use them.
- Talk about what you like about the food with your kids, and ask them what they like about it. Don't be afraid to laugh with joy -- or to let the "mmmmmmm"s flow freely.
- When you're done, get them involved. Ask them what they'd like for the next "family treat."
Essentially, this practice is the true (and healthy) polar opposite of hiding food. Hiding food means hiding everything that is enjoyable about it. The practices listed here bring enjoyment into the light of day, where it can help to build relationships. All of these elements are helpful safeguards against eating disorders, and they make life more fun as well.
