Let's get practical with this whole eating-disorder-and-Christmas-food issue. Frankly, the spreads available at Christmas are as daunting as those at Thanksgiving, and there are more of them -- the work party, the party with friends, the family dinner, the sharing of traditional candies and Christmas cookies (a staple in my family) ... there are more possibilities than there are people.
How do you navigate such a holiday with an eating disorder? It really doesn't matter whether your disorder is anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, or something less common. Christmas overloads you with stimuli of all kinds, and let's face it: food is only one part of it. The colors, the lights, the advertisements, the over-packed schedules, and the families themselves ("Uncle Chester is coming?!") are all contributors to stress. And stress tends to worsen disordered eating behaviors.
Christmas almost demands that we learn to shut off extra stimulation to survive. The trick (actually, the work) is to choose actively how you will limit stress and over-stimulation, around food and everything else -- and to seek out what's enjoyable about Christmas with just as much purpose.
Christmas Leads to Feeling Out of Control, Especially With an Eating Disorder
First, cut yourself some slack, and acknowledge ahead of time that there will be moments when you feel out of control. In fact, you might even prepare yourself by assuming that you'll feel this way at least five, or ten, or twenty times during the holiday season. When you feel out of control, you can count it as one of those expected times. You'll be less surprised, and your need to react through your eating disorder will be less.
There's No Escaping the Christmas Food
Avoiding food gives it power over you. "Step into" the food, rather than away from it. You may become far more aware of what you like (and don't like) about the foods you normally eat at Christmas. Of course, this can change your conversations about traditional dishes dramatically (and you can have a lot of fun with it):
The old you: "I sure do like your oyster casserole, Aunt Linda." (internally: "When can I can go home?")
The new you: "Aunt Linda, your oyster casserole is always visually striking." (internally: 'I think it's too salty for my taste today.'). "And the mushrooms you've used are very flavorful." (internally: 'I wonder why you made enough for 40 people?')"
The old you: "No, thanks." (internally: "Pie?! Are you kidding me? Pie??")
The new you: "The texture of the pie is perfect, Mom." (internally: "But I've had enough now. And I wish it had more nutmeg.")
The old you: "If I eat any of that, it'll show up on my left hip tomorrow." (internally: "And my right one, too.")
The new you: "It smells so good; I'll have two bites." (internally: "And I'm still going to have two bites, even though you put 20 bites on my plate.") Then, feel good about taking your 18 leftover bites to the kitchen for disposal.
True independence (from people and from food) can be really fun.
Family Dynamics and Christmas With an Eating Disorder
Difficult people put extra stress on eating disorders, whether the topic of discussion is food or not. You're expected to be social and to maintain a certain "spirit of the holidays." But you don't have to give tight-lipped smiles just to please your relatives. Nor do you have to be belligerent to make yourself some space:
Annoying cousin Bill: (who always pins you to the wall with stories of his favorite football team, and who is carrying a huge smile): "Hi!!! How are you doing??"
You: (after thinking for a moment, which Bill doesn't expect): "Thanks for asking, Bill. I'm feeling a bit down lately, but I do hope to start reconnecting with some friends in January." Then, when Bill doesn't know what to say: "Can I get you something to drink, Bill? Egg nog? Cranberry-lime seltzer water?"
Bill might not choose to bring up his football team. And you're not pinned to the wall. Double win for you!
Make Plans for You This Christmas
Dealing with Christmas can often mean feeling obligated to do things you don't like, so it's important to plan your own diversions and not feel as though you have no choice.
Your family likes TV. You like looking at Christmas lights. Your friends like shopping. You like blogging. What price would you have to pay to go against the trends that you normally follow and make some special time for yourself -- time that doesn't involve food? What would you gain? Are you willing to choose new people with whom to spend Christmas, maybe breaking tradition? Sometimes, it's much easier to go along with others' wishes -- and then resent them -- than to risk their displeasure with you. Yet you still have choice. And making choices is empowering.
Own Your Part in Christmas, With or Without an Eating Disorder
It's really your call: Do you get caught up in the hype, or do you have a holiday that makes sense for you? You probably have far more choices than you thought. It takes courage to step into making tough decisions around family and food, but when you do, the pleasure of simply making space for yourself can go a long way.
