When a spouse or partner has an eating disorder, holiday celebrations can become difficult. We tend to involve food in most of our celebrations. But you don't have to be held hostage by the situation. Celebrating may require broadening your choices to include other activities that are experiential.
Appeal to the Senses
One of the reasons we celebrate with food is that food is able to bring us pleasure. But taste is only one of the senses. Why not try appealing to the rest? Here are some ways to involve the body in ways that are much less threatening than eating:
- Give a foot massage (or make an appointment for a massage or spa treatment)
- Go to a concert (or load her MP3 player with new music and do a "review" together)
- Give scented oils or lotions (for both touch and smell)
- Go to an art exhibit or window shop in a gallery
- Finger paint!
Be Creative Together
Collaborating with a partner can be a great way to be festive without focusing on food. It also fights your partner's tendency to become isolated. Some things to try:
- Painting - Create some low-stress art together and then discuss each other's painting
- Photography - Spend an hour taking pictures and then come together to make a collage
- Writing - Serious or silly (write a story together alternating sentences)
- Plan a road trip - Pick a spot and plan a fun route
- Work a jigsaw puzzle
Do Something Out of the Ordinary
Has your partner ever ridden a horse? Been to the opera? Seen your favorite view at the end of a leisurely hike? An eating disorder is about getting stuck in cycles. Doing something different gives you a chance to enjoy each other without being in old patterns of behavior.
Don't Deprive Yourself of What You Enjoy
You may be tempted to sacrifice by avoiding certain foods that bother your partner. The problem is that you can quickly build up resentment because you don't feel free to make normal choices. Your relationship will eventually suffer.
Instead, find times and places for enjoying the foods you like. Invite your partner to eat with you, even if you know she won't, because that's what people do.
If your partner refuses to be involved in the day, you'll have to respect that decision. The holiday may depress her, and she may want to stay in all day and watch television. Your partner should know that you have your limits, and that her life does not determine yours.
If it comes down to it, be willing to leave and do something that you otherwise wouldn't be able to do. When you see your partner again, ask her (kindly) if she had the kind of holiday that she wanted. It may spark good conversation.
