Reading the Letter to Mom: It Can Be Done
If you focus on holding on to tenderness while giving a big dose of strength, you may be able to bring the information in the letter to your mother directly. But only do this with the support of friends and/or loved ones. You might get input from a therapist on how to share information in ways that are healthy.I recommend setting aside a specific time and reading the letter to her aloud (with her permission to give you uninterrupted time to read). Reading the letter will help you avoid blowing up if you have hard things to say and emotions run high. If you blow up, she can simply disregard you. Also, reading the letter in person is a display of strength in and of itself. When you bring this kind of information face-to-face, it will be harder for her to ignore it. Remember: If you can say it with genuine love, you can probably say it to your mom.
Whether you really want to opt for this kind of conversation on Mother's Day, of course, is up to you. Either way, Mother's Day is a great day to reflect on what she's provided for you and what you still want from her, if anything, as her child today.
For more on how to be assertive without alienating those you love, I highly recommend Harriet Lerner's book, Dance of Anger. Sources: Allender DB and Longman T. Bold Love. Colorado Springs, Colorado: NavPress; 1992. Lerner H. Dance of Anger. New York: HarperCollins; 1997.
