For someone with an eating disorder, Valentine's Day can be tough. The focus on food is hard enough to handle, but lumping in romance and relationships just adds to the stress.
If you have an eating disorder, you may have lost key relationships over time. That can be painful and depressing. The pain and sadness then can drive you further into disordered eating.
Taking an active approach to avoid isolation and express care for self and others is key to work against these difficult emotions. But what does it mean to do this on a day that focuses so much on sensual pleasure and emotional connection?
1. Connect With Those You Care About
One of the easiest things to do when we feel lonely is to go off by ourselves. Or, we zone out in front of the TV or the computer. This is a good portion of what's causing the feelings of isolation!
Pick up the phone and call someone you haven't called in a while. It might be someone you've wanted to contact for a while but felt you couldn't because you "haven't been a good enough friend."
Suppose your friend has dinner plans for Valentine's Day. You could meet to go shopping at a favorite store sometime in the morning. Or, make a time to meet on a different day, either before or after the holiday.
2. Write to People Out of Reach
Again, though an eating disorder creates distance between you and others, it doesn't have to get in your way today. Think of writing letters, e-mails, or even text messages. Think broadly about those to whom you might write. Maybe it's a deceased loved one or friend, or someone with whom you've completely lost touch. Even a pet that mattered a lot to you. You don't have to deliver the letter.
This isn't "wallowing in pain" when it's usually hard to let yourself feel much. And it doesn't have to be painful. You might enjoy telling someone you miss about your recent accomplishments.
3. Treat Your Senses
This is a big one. An eating disorder teaches you to avoid feeling lots of things, including what your body is really telling you. So you don't want to get involved with chocolates or candy hearts. Treat your body in other ways. Get a facial or a massage. Take a bubble bath. Use your favorite lotion. If your area allows, find a patch of lush grass and walk barefoot.
And appeal to your other senses as well! You could go to a concert, relax with scented candles, or find a scenic location. Find out how many ways your body can tell you it's enjoying something.
4. Care for Your Body With Exercise
For some who might read this, exercise is compulsive. Health comes from exercising in a way that is nurturing rather than punishing.
Maybe it's a leisurely 30-minute walk in a park you enjoy. Or a bike ride. More relaxed exercise also allows you to engage with your other senses more easily (think scenic hikes).
5. Eat Gently
Eventually, food comes back into the picture. You can't go cold turkey with food! When you do eat, let your body speak to you. What do you really want? Where would you want to eat it? With whom? Dream a little. You may not get the perfect situation, but you can put together something that's different and enjoyable.
For example, maybe you like salmon (and the outdoors). So, call a friend, throw some fillets in a backpack, and hike to a spot that overlooks a lake. Cook the fish there, and savor it with some good conversation.
