Eating disorders occur much more often in women than men, but men, and particularly fathers, often play major roles in the development of eating disorders. While there is no question that mothers have powerful influence in the lives of their daughters, an eating disorder is a family problem. Both parents generally contribute to the dynamics surrounding anorexia, bulimia, and other disorders. Margo Maine addresses the issue of daughters' relationships with their fathers in Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters, and the Pursuit of Thinness.
Fathers, Distance, and Eating Disorders
Maine is kind and tenacious in arguing that the roles played by men and women in society make it natural for fathers to be emotionally distant. Men have had huge advantages in the workplace, but they are often considered "second-class citizens" at home.
Coupled with the contention that daughters are taught to value relationship above all else, the distance of dads creates a particular longing in daughters. In some cases, an eating disorder is a daughter's attempt to bridge the gap.
Helping Fathers and Daughters Connect
In addressing men and urging them to pursue connection with their daughters, Maine patiently explains the world in which those daughters live. It is a world far different from the world that existed when many fathers grew up. In this, the second edition of Father Hunger, she introduces the notion of the global girl--the result of global communication and marketing targeting young women. Girls reach puberty earlier than they ever have before, and they receive messages about who and what they should be (physically and otherwise) that they may be unprepared to handle.
To combat this, Maine offers a wealth of practical suggestions for fathers. For example, she urges men to teach their daughters how and when to say no and set limits, preparing them for negative situations in the future. She also advocates helping daughters to develop values from sources other than consumerism.
Advocating for Men
It is important to note that Father Hunger is not a book that sets out to skewer men. Far from it: Maine is a passionate advocate of male involvement in the family because of the resources that fathers can bring to their daughters. As men, fathers can reinforce their daughters' self-worth and beauty in ways that have a unique impact. Maine holds that involved fathers aid in the emotional development of girls by giving them examples of what masculinity should be. In addition to filling a relational need, she explains, connection with dad prepares women for future relationships with men and helps them to define their femininity.
Counterpoints
Maine's insight into the role of men in families is excellent, and her perspective is invaluable. However, men who pick up Father Hunger will not find much in the way of first-hand accounts from men. There are a number of quotes from women with eating disorders as they reflect on the impact of their fathers. It would be of tremendous help to see how Maine addresses fathers as they bring their senses of futility and frustration.
This is a very ambitious work. Maine examines the issue from the perspectives of dads, daughters, and mothers, remembering to encourage parents to examine their own relationships with their fathers as they seek to understand how to parent their own daughters. It can be somewhat confusing as Maine speaks to these different audiences, switching perspectives frequently in the latter chapters. But the payoff is a more complete reference that could be a conversation starter for every member of the family.
Looking Ahead
Whether emotionally close or distant, fathers impact their daughters in lasting ways. Father Hunger is a thorough introduction to the issues men face in relationship with their daughters, and it offers hope for overcoming these issues and helping girls become strong and healthy women.
